When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope--Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy

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Like other rights, we can do this providing we accept the consequences for doing so, but we don’t have to feel sorry for everyone, we don’t have to feel as though we have to listen to others problems and we don’t have to care how others respond to us. Protecting Your Assertive Rights

When I Say No, I Feel Guilty Quotes - Goodreads When I Say No, I Feel Guilty Quotes - Goodreads

When our husbands, wives, lovers are unhappy about something, they have the ability to make us feel guilty without even talking about it. A certain look does it, or a door closing a bit too loud announcing an hour of silence, or a frosty request to change the television station. Joe once complained to me, “I’ll be damned if I know how they can do it, or why I respond that way, but somehow I finish up feeling guilty, even when there’s nothing to feel guilty about!” Have you ever found clothes while shopping that you knew for a fact you didn't like, but ended up buying anyway because of how helpful and friendly the sales staff was? What about when your boss buries you under a pile of work? Although you may want to speak up, you keep quiet because of your low rank in the company. In these types of situations, you've probably wondered, "How will I ever be able to express my true thoughts and feelings?" The answer is through being assertive. Some are able to say “no” to a request or opportunity and feel good about it. “This just isn’t the right fit for me” or “I don’t have the bandwidth right now – I hope you understand” are ways they opt out confidently. Others avoid saying “no” altogether because they don’t want to jeopardize a relationship or disappoint the requester. They may say “yes” and pretend all is well, even though they are feeling stretched, bad about the situation and even resentful toward the requester. Here’s where classic passive aggressive behavior can take root. The manipulative behavior prompted by these expectations can also be seen in the general nonclinical population. These childish expectations and their consequent behavior deny us much of our dignity and self-respect as human beings. If we have the same expectations about ourselves as our manipulators do, we surrender to them our dignity and self-respect, the responsibility for governing our own existence, and the control over our own behavior.” We should do this over trying to guess or attempt something that we don’t know how to do and failing.

We have the right to be steadfast and carry on regardless, even if people do disagree or disapprove of us. That is your decision to make. If we cope in these ways, not only do we get angry or afraid but we usually lose the battle -- and there are real battles in life, to be won or lost -- with other people; we get frustrated and eventually sad or depressed." This means that we have the right to judge the most appropriate way to respond, act, feel, think and behave, but, we must also accept the consequences, whether positive or negative, that our choice has.

When I Say NO, I Feel Guilty - Remove the Guilt with this When I Say NO, I Feel Guilty - Remove the Guilt with this

Right 5 in the bill of assertive rights is you have the right to make mistakes – and be responsible for them. This one is straightforward in that we all have the right to make mistakes. We all do make mistakes from time to time. But, when we do, we should own up to them and not blame other people for them. Assertiveness is also strongly associated with a sense of self-worth and the more you become assertive, the more you will feel confident. This will help you deal with confrontation, enabling you to hold your own.A surprising and highly lucid take on assertivity. The author shows how all babies are born assertive, but that many of us unlearn this vital ability through upbringing and socialisation. He shows the vast and numerous problems that this causes. If you are among the many non-assertive people out there, it is essential to re-learn this ability and no longer feel guilty when you say "no". of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope - Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy by Manuel J. Smith In Part One, we covered the various reasons and the importance of being assertive, but we have yet to cover how to go about this. Many of Smith's students have experienced a similar problem. Although the students know that they should be assertive, they often hesitate when encountering opposition. What happens if you are challenged by the requester to give in? Some people just persist and they try to talk you out of saying no. I’d like to suggest two assertiveness skills, fogging and broken record. Fogging involves agreeing with critical truths the requester presents and still do what you want, say no. For example, you say no respectfully to the request to head the United Way campaign at work because of the number of projects you have, commitments to your family and because you’ve done it before. Your requester continues to talk about the good work the charity will do under your leadership. To apply fogging you would say something like, “Thank you for your confidence in me. You’re right, this organization does great work. I need to decline at this time.” Porque el libro tiene ejemplos de, por ejemplo, mujeres usando la asertividad para quitarse de en medio a tíos que no les hacen ninguna gracia, dan a entender que las mujeres son libres de usar su cuerpo y su libertad sexual cómo quieran, muestra que el divorcio es una solución legitima y necesaria, o, peor aún para los derechosos, ejemplos de cómo una mujer puede pedir asertivamente a su pareja un poco más de implicación antes del sexo. No me queda duda que en un gobierno de extrema derecha este libro sería uno de los tantos perseguidos y quemados, por "woke" y por "peligroso", pero bueno, supongo que hay gente a favor de la extrema derecha aunque se declaren de izquierdas.